Saturday 31 July 2021

HOW TO COME OUT OF COMFORT ZONE

Are  you still in your comfort zone ?

Life is full of opportunities to step outside the comfort zone, but grabbing hold of them can be difficult.sometimes the problem is not being aware of reasons to do so. After all, if the feeling of comfort signifies our most basic needs are being met, why should we seek to abandon it?What holds people back most of the time is their frame of mind rather than any distinct lack of knowledge.


What is comfort Zone?

It is a state where you are in control of your environment. You don’t dare to try something new.
 
What are the side effects of the comfort zone?
1.Fixed Mindset, no growth.
2.Static life, no excitement.
3. Only comfort, no new opportunities.
4.Lazy brain, not accepting change
 
It is a condition where you are not an action-taker. You are a dependent creator.You do the things that your mind feels like doing. The mind always perceives simple things.If you are in your comfort zone, you are heading in a negative direction. You will never achieve the desired results. 
 

What Is the Comfort Zone in Psychology?

“The comfort zone is a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk.”

Within the comfort zone, there isn’t much incentive for people to reach new heights of performance. It’s here that people go about routines devoid of risk, causing their progress to plateau.

But the concept can be traced further back to the world of behavioral psychology.

How to come out of your comfort zone?
 
IDENTITY YOUR COMFORT HABIT.

Find out the old patterns, beliefs, and habits that are stopping you from stepping out of your comfort zone.

 BREAK YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Small means simple. When you start from small, your brain doesn’t feel stress and allows you to do something uncomfortable.

ᴀ sᴇᴄʀᴇᴛ ᴛᴏᴏʟ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏf ᴍʏ ᴄᴏᴍfᴏʀᴛ ᴢᴏɴᴇ.
The secret tool is consistency. It is the driving force that keeps you pushing out to do new or uncomfortable things.


By

Shibashis B

(Digital Analyst) 



Sunday 19 April 2020

ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?


ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During  this quarantine days I had conversation with many friends. in this conversation I get to know there are many friends who are not happy with their partners. some friends complained about many things about their partner. so Iam highlighting some of the key points which is asked by them.

"How do I know if I am with the right person?"
"how much he serious about relationship.."                                           
"where is our destiny"
"what is the label of compromise with the partner"
"how do I know she don't have extra affair"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind


Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say,
"I was swept off my feet."

Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does not  lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And temporarily you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (read carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands wisdom. You have to know what to do to make it work. Make no mistake about it!

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!
                                                                                                                             writer
                                                                                                                          :-Shibashis

Thursday 20 June 2019

ITS COMPLICATED (RELATIONSHIPS&DATING)


IT’S COMPLICATED (RELATIONSHIPS & DATING)

Image result for it's complicated in relationship
When we think about relationship or dating. Despite feeling difficult. For instance, we have been walking and talking our entire lives, yet walking up to an attractive person and opening our mouths to say “hi” can feel impossibly complex to us. People have been using a phone since they were children, yet given the agony some go through just to dial a person’s phone number, you’d think they were being water boarded. Most of us have kissed someone before and we’ve seen hundreds of movies and instances in real life of other people kissing, yet we still stare dreamily into the object of our affection’s eyes hour after hour, telling ourselves we can never find the “right moment” to do it.

Why? It sounds simple, but why is it so hard?
We build businesses, write novels, scale mountains, help strangers and friends alike through difficult times, tackle the thorniest of the world’s social ills — and yet, when we come face-to-face with someone we find attractive, our hearts race and our minds are sent reeling. And we stall. What is it about this one area of life that the most basic actions can feel impossible, that repetitive behavior often leads to little or no change, and that our psychological defense mechanisms run rampant trying to convince us to not pursue what we want?
Our emotional attachment
As children, none of us get 100% of our needs met. This is true of you. It’s true of me. It’s true of everyone. The degree of which our needs aren’t met varies widely, and the nature of how our needs are unfulfilled differs as well. But it’s the sad truth about growing up: we’ve all got baggage. And some of us have a lot of it. The nature and depth of these traumas imprint themselves onto our unconscious and become the map of how we experience love, intimacy and sex throughout our lives.
Psychologists believe that romantic love occurs when our unconscious becomes exposed to someone who matches the archetype of parental love we experienced growing up, someone whose behavior matches our emotional map for intimacy. Our unconscious is always seeking to return to the unconditional nurturing we received as children, and to re-process and heal the traumas we suffered.
In short, our unconscious is wired to seek out romantic interests who it believes will fulfill our unfulfilled emotional needs, to fill in the gaps of the love and nurturing we missed out on as kids. This is why the people we fall in love with almost always resemble our parents on an emotional level.
Hence why people who are madly in love say to each other, “you complete me,” or refer to each other as their “better half.” It’s also why couples in the throes of new love often act like children around one another. Their unconscious mind can’t differentiate between the love they’re receiving from their girlfriend/boyfriend and the love they once received as a child from their parents.

This is also why dating and relationships are so painful and difficult for so many of us, particularly if we had strained familial relationships growing up. Unlike our dating  lives are inextricably bound to our emotional needs, and when we get into potentially intimate or sexual situations, these experiences rub up against our prior traumas causing us anxiety, neuroticism, stress and pain.

So that someone rejecting you isn’t just rejecting you — instead, to your unconscious, or turned down your need for affection.
Disassociating From Our Emotions
Objectification. Objectifying someone is when you see them only for a specific purpose and don’t see them as fully integrated human beings. You can objectify 4/9 people as sex objects, professional work objects, social objects, or none of the above. You might objectify someone for sex, status or influence. But objectification is ultimately disastrous for one’s own emotional health, not to mention one’s relationships.
Sexism. Viewing the other sex as inferior or inherently evil/inept is a sure way to redirect one’s emotional problems outward onto a population at large rather than dealing with them yourself. Without fail, men who treat and view women as some inferior “other,” are more often than not projecting their own anger and insecurities onto the women they meet rather than dealing with them. The same goes for women.
Manipulation and games. By engaging in games and manipulation, we withhold our true intentions and identities, and therefore we withhold our emotional maps as well. With these tactics, the aim is to get someone to fall for the perception we create rather than who we really are, greatly reducing the risk of digging up the buried emotional scars of past relationships.
Overuse of humor, teasing, bantering. A classic strategy of distraction. Not that jokes or teasing are always bad, but an interaction of nothing but jokes and teasing is a means to communicate without saying anything important, to enjoy yourselves without actually do anything, and to feel like you know each other without actually knowing a thing. This is most typical of English-speaking cultures — men and women, straight and gay — as they tend to use sarcasm and teasing as a means to imply affection rather than actually showing it.

Most of us have, at one point or another, disassociated our emotions and objectified someone (or entire groups of people) for whatever reasons. I will say, however, that there’s a lot of social pressure on men, particularly straight men, to ignore their emotions, particularly “weak” emotions such as a need for intimacy and love. It’s more socially acceptable for men to objectify their sex lives and boast about it. Whether you think that’s right or wrong or doesn’t matter, it is how it is.
                                                                                                     
                                                                                                               By:- Shibashis B

Friday 12 April 2019

YOU ARE THE REASON FOR UNHAPPY


YOU ARE THE REASON FOR UNHAPPY




Are you addicted to happiness

Happiness is not a one-pill drug we’ve been told. We can search for it forever, and then realise, when it’s too late, that the answer always lay within us. But what if I said the answer to your unhappiness also lay within you. That unhappiness is not difficult to get rid of. All you have to do is get rid of your “unhappiness addiction”.

WHAT IS UNHAPPINESS ADDICTION?
Just ask yourself this. Every time you are happy, are you also afraid? Before you have regaled in your happiness do you feel almost guilty, and pull yourself back to that familiar feeling of dread and guilt that you’ve cocooned yourself in for far too long? That masochistic feeling that even if you laugh out loud for a few minutes you are actually preparing yourself for the next bad thing that comes your way.

  Psychology says that people who appear addicted to unhappiness tend to find reasons to be miserable when life gets “too good”, prefer to take the victim role, and compete with others to see who has it the hardest. He says, “There are several scientific studies indicating that many people have a feeling of being undeserving of happiness.”

FATALISTIC ATTITUDE
unhappiness is a luxury, and some people are addicted to it. These people have wired themselves to be unhappy because it’s the only way they can perform.”
Suffering on an everyday basis is a way of living for some people as they subconsciously believe that by taking the hard road and looking at things pessimistically, they are going to produce better results. It’s like bargaining with Greater Powers so that someone up there sees your pain, and then gives you something to laugh about.
INDIAN MENTALITY

"Especially in India, we have this traditional belief ingrained by our parents and elders that if you laugh too much, you will have to cry a lot too. And soon. This subconscious feeling makes us more unhappy.”Most of us do not have the resilience genes in place because of this attitude of discontentment. people are less unhappy when they are more resilient and have better coping strategies. They have ‘trained’ themselves to being happy. They don’t stay in the victim mode for more than 1 minutes max.”

BEING A VICTIM

Whether good or bad, deal with the situation and move on to the next moment. Don’t get into the habit of postponing your happiness. I will be happy after the promotion, after the proposal, after the admission. but what about the here and now? A simple breakfast can be happiness. 
even the smallest thing, like a water bottle dropping from your hand can make you unhappy, if you feel you are never in control of things. “It’s far easier to fall into the unhappiness trap, and brood than to get up and change the habit.”

Unhappiness also becomes an addiction because people are caught up in their drama stories. We all repeat our actions again and again because invariably, people don’t want to change. The habitual cribbing is our safe zone. And it’s dangerous. At these moments, every time we are saying we’ve failed, our minds are being hardwired to believe we will fail again.”


Why Does Growth Mindset Matter?

If we have a “growth mindset,” we enjoy challenges, despite the risk, usually because we value learning and growth more than others thinking we know what we’re doing. And because we’re always trying new things, we often don’t know what we’re doing. Still, those of us with a growth mindset often build new skills more easily because we believe we can and so we really work at it.

Signs that say you make yourself unhappy...
  1. You repeat unpleasant episodes and wallow in your stories of unfairness that happened in the past.
  2. You resist what’s happening now.
  3. You give too much power to your ego.
  4.  Complain about everything.
  5.  Avoid and procrastinate dealing with problems.
  6.  Worry about things that have not happened yet.
  7.  Overwhelmed by uncertainty.
  8. Judge yourself in a harsh way.
  9. I Feel enslaved to your emotions and powerless to change.
  10.  Feel dissatisfied even when life is going well.
  11. Struggle to celebrate your goals
  12. You have a hard time putting things behind you.
  13. Dissatisfaction is your second nature
How to Fix it
- Fix the offending issue at hand
- Understand the source of negativity
- Identify baby steps to address them. Proactively dealing with your problems now rather than avoiding them will help you regain your happiness
-Hold tightly to your self-care programme
-Turn setbacks into victories
-Have effective ways to get control over painful moods – good music, workout or travel.
                                                                                                                                          written by                                                                                                                                             :- $|-||v
 

Sunday 27 January 2019

TWINS FLAME

TWINS FLAME


Twin souls over-romanticized BS or true love?

I have been thinking about writing an article about twin flames (twin souls) for some time. But every time I felt it wasn’t the right time. This morning after a twin flame between vegetable(EGG PLANT)  showed me a real peek behind the facade he had pulled up for the outside world,
I have known about twin souls since I was grown up with age. I grew up in a spiritual community in berhampur  and I can still see myself sitting there reading about twin flames. I was struck by the concept and desperately wanted to believe in the idea of being destined for just one… As time went by and I grew up, like many I distanced myself from the spiritual beliefs of my parents to find my own and twin souls became nothing more than over-romanticized bullshit to me.
There is always an obstacle
One of the tell tale signs of a twin flame connection is an immense inexplicable pull towards each other combined with a sure fire obstacle that keeps you apart. I’m always amazed at people who deliberately want to find their twin soul and ask the Universe to bring their twin flame into their life, they have no fucking clue what they are asking for because twin flame love is nowhere near what we consider to be love in our society. I also secretly smile when people come to me gushing over, with ‘love’ cause they found their twin soul and life is so perfect.  I always tell them if this is really your twin flame, you better buckle up cause you are just about to hit the roller coasters like you have never been on any in your whole life. Meeting your twin soul ALWAYS starts a cleansing and purging process, bringing up your own shit that still needs to be healed.
There is often something keeping twins apart, until the time is right. Large age differences, cultural differences, long distances, he’s married, she’s married, they are both married.  Usually whatever the obstacle is, it brings a lot of shame and is a big hit to the ego to overcome it. It is set up this way, because twin flame relationships are designed as an express way to enlightenment. The struggle and the pain caused by the obstacle in combination with the extreme pull both twins feel towards each other and their undying love for each other can literally pull them out of their ego and back into Oneness with all that is.
I put the word love in quotations earlier, because until you have met your twin soul you have no clue what love is. Not in the real sense of love. That is what the twin flame process comes to achieve in your life, it will help you birth real love, unconditional love for the other, for yourself and for the world. This might sound arrogant, but trust me once you meet your twin soul you will realize you never knew what true love felt like, until now.

You can’t break the connection, no matter what you try

The twin flame stage is set up in such a way that you can’t leave, no matter what you try. No matter how good you are in walking away from  relationships, you won’t be able to break away from this one.  Even if you are the runner or try to run, the Universe is in-exhaustive in her creativity to push you back to each other.
By keeping you locked into the bond with each other a healing process is started that will pull you through every pain or fear you would otherwise never even consider facing, until you are cleansed to the core. Your love for each other that started as something that you will later look back on and hardly recognize as love, will only grow deeper as the immense pull keeps pulling you toward each other with a force that you have never felt before in your life. This is scary as hell for both of you, but usually it is the guy that runs.Even women tend to run and try and hide in overeating, games with other men or other attempts to sooth the extreme pain. It doesn’t work anymore though.
Twin flame or just a toxic asshole?
example when you stop fighting the connection, when you stop trying to run and hide, you will start healing smaller and bigger trauma’s  When you’ve got yourself a toxic asshole, you will feel it because life will only get worse and she will make you feel worse about yourself. In a twin flame relationship you will never feel worse about yourself. Rather through seeing yourself through the eyes of your twin, you will only learn to love yourself more.

Signs from the Universe

So if you are also the one who was left behind in your twin flame relationship I hope this article helps you see the blessings your twin has brought you. That you like me decide to trust the signs the Universe* gives you, even when they seem wacko in this moment. That you realize that what your runner twin is showing you, is not how she really feels about you. 
In the end you might end up together with your twin and have romance too, but that is the cherry on top…

Saturday 21 April 2018

The scribbled story

I know sorry isn't going to sound enough for what i have done. but i hope you try to understanding my point of view.if you are reading the blog,it means i have left your place and it also means we are not going to see each other, again. i am sorry for what you are going through right now.

Efforts are only made when you truly know that you want to be with that person.and thats why iam not going to put efforts in you.this will be unfair to you,and i know you are everything i look for in a girl and we have chemistry.there is intensity,too,something that i crave for all the time.but i call you  my almost-you are quite there but still i don't find you enough.

You don't seem to mind it, and you know that i don't need to be fixed or saved.you are accepting me as the person i am.but here is what i think i do need-someone stronger than my emptiness.when it comes to love,i know i am cautious and smarter than the rest.partly because i understand love-to make it through i have to struggle hard.and mostly because i have felt love at many occasions.

you had said earlier tonight, nothing lasts you think that this person or this feeling might,so you hold on,you are just too lonely.growing old alone is okay. growing together is okay.its okay there were no cracks in your voice,and neither you felt sorry for the person i am.you just said things like one tells a fact-casually and blatantly.things can always slip off your grasp.just enjoy the moment you add before going for the shower.

My almost, a person like me needs to keep trying. i have heard bad things little lies,and everything that made me distant to people and to myself. iam not blaming them how they made me feel. i take full responsibility for the person iam today and iam trying to change. but the saddest thing i head tonight was when you said iam everything to you,and you mean very little to me. its not true. but i do hope i change before i meet another almost 
Image result for scribbled stories

Saturday 29 April 2017

!!YoU ArE The PaiN YoU ArE ThE CurE !!

!!YoU ArE The PaiN YoU ArE ThE CurE !!!!YoU ArE The PaiN YoU ArE ThE CurE !!


Dear Shitu,
                  
I know we fight.I know we argue over stupid things and those just happen to be what we contemplate before we go to sleep.we stress because we wonder if the other is going to be give up and quit fighting.promises are broken and trust is questioned.so much bullsh***t that we put up with.but in the end,we know that it will pay off.in the end,we will come out on the top and things  will become better.I keep my faith because I love you.and regardless of the drama,in the end yes,you are worth it...love you i am so sorry for all my mistakes I know Iam the difficult one and this time I have been really crazy. Iam sorry for all the trouble I caused.


                                                                                                                          LOVE
Regards Babu